


The Lady and the Bandit

by misura



Category: Fushigi Yuugi
Genre: Community: yaoi_challenge, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-09
Updated: 2007-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:05:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A kidnapping gone bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lady and the Bandit

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted February 2007

Tasuki cursed, kicked at a pebble, and wished that at least once, he'd get to hang out with people who were actually intelligent and able to understand that when he said 'Try and kidnap some fat merchant' he did _not_ expect them to come back with a _woman_. Especially not a woman who'd been traveling to the capital there to become a part of his celestial majesty's harem.

Sure, Tasuki couldn't care less about the emperor - it wasn't as if he'd ever met the guy, and it wasn't bloody likely that he ever would either, and Tasuki didn't see why he should be in awe of someone just because he happened to be sitting on a throne. Still, he did have some respect for the imperial army. They wouldn't come after a band of bandits just for being bandits, and possibly, the emperor wouldn't even _notice_ one less woman in his harem but, well, with the way Tasuki's luck had been going, he _might_. And then there'd be trouble - not of the lethal kind, Tasuki didn't think, because the captain able to outsmart Tasuki had yet to be born, but it'd be a nuisance to have to lie low for a while.

Lying low meant less loot, and less loot meant that people'd get bored. When people got bored, they did stupid things, and guess who'd have to save their asses then? Tasuki sighed. Now, if they'd brought home an actual imperial treasure-chest, that'd be different. Still stupid, but kind of ... understandable.

If you were a bandit and you spotted a carriage with a huge chest on it, with hardly any escort worth mentioning, you went for it. You didn't stop to check what kinds of seals were on the chest. Besides, this area was dangerous for more reasons than just because of bandits. Avalanches weren't common, but they did happen, and not all paths were as stable and solid as they looked. A missing treasure-chest might not have caused much of a stir - not even if one of the two escorts had gotten away. The emperor could always get more money, after all; it wasn't as if he was poor. A concubine, on the other hand ... that was trickier. What if the emperor had actually _met_ her and _liked_ her?

Now, Tasuki'd heard all that rubbish about the emperor being infatuated with his own image in the mirror, and therefore refusing to choose an empress and a wife, but Tasuki bet he simply didn't like the idea of having a woman around all the time. Tasuki knew _he_ wouldn't. Still, that didn't mean the emperor wouldn't mind Tasuki snatching one of his concubines. Missing treasure-chests could always be explained away, after all - plenty of accidents that could happen on the way. Missing concubines were, Tasuki feared, like missing idiots who were supposed to be part of your band.

Even if you couldn't care less about them, and even if you were sure any trouble they'd gotten into was their own fault, you didn't let them down. You looked for them until you found them.

Tasuki shook his head. No matter how meek and scared this woman his men had stupidly kidnapped would be (and Tasuki bet she was probably one of those sheltered, fragile things who'd never traveled all by herself before) she was still going to be Trouble. Lots and lots of Trouble.

 

"I," the 'sheltered and fragile thing' informed Tasuki half an hour later, "am the Lady Kang-Lin and I demand you to release me _right now_."

She sure was pretty enough to be a lady and an imperial concubine, Tasuki conceded - heck, with a bit of imagination, he could picture her as a feminine-looking but still rather handsome young man. Not much of a chest, either. That, and her temper, would be sure to make her unpopular at court - not that it was any of Tasuki's concern. Besides, she was obviously a little slow, not to say dumb. She probably wouldn't even notice people talking about her behind her back.

"Listen, lady, ya don't seem t' realize what's going on around here," Tasuki began.

"I demand to talk to your leader!" Kang-Lin said, lifting her chin.

"Ya _are_ talking t' our leader, and - " Tasuki started to reply.

"Oh? Well, in that case ... " Kang-Lin looked at him. Tasuki stared back, not sure what was going on _now_. "Please release me?" Kang-Lin fluttered her eyelashes at him. "You've already got all my money and all the jewels I was carrying with me."

Tasuki didn't believe _that_ for one second. Those clothes she was wearing were far too voluminous _not_ to have some secret pockets in them, to be used for occasions such as these. What did this woman think, that he was born yesterday?

"What are ya, stupid?" Tasuki asked. "Even if yer speaking the truth, there's still yer family. Betcha they're rich enough t' have money t' spare, specially when it's fer their darling daughter."

Not, of course, that Tasuki had any intention to send her family any kind of message to let them know where their 'darling daughter' was. That would definitely be asking for even more trouble, and besides, he did have his pride. Holding a fat merchant captive until his assistants had returned with a sizable ransom was one thing - kidnapping some innocent girl was something else. As far as he knew, her family had never done him any harm, and he had no intention of giving them a reason to change their attitude. Everyone knew merchants cheated their customers, anyway. They were fair game for honest bandits - at least Tasuki admitted openly that he was a thief.

Still, it would be a good thing to scare her a little, get her to stop acting like she thought she owned this place, or could win him over just by acting like some sort of empty-headed fool.

"Listen up, carrot-top! Either you do as I say, or I'm going to get really, really angry." Kang-Lin glowered at him, and for one moment, Tasuki actually felt intimidated. By a woman! Damn, he had to be going soft, or else he hadn't been getting enough sleep lately.

"Ooh, I'm scared!" Tasuki rose. "Ya wanna be stupid, be my guest. I'll be back t' see ya later."

Knei-Gong was waiting for him as he exited, looking a little nervous. Tasuki hoped that meant that at least _one_ of his men was aware of how nasty things could get if they got unlucky.

"Man, whadda pain!" Tasuki sagged against the wall. "I tell ya, that lady's gonna be trouble!"

"She - " Knei-Gong started, then paled and stared at the bulge in the wall next to Tasuki that hadn't been there half a second ago. "She ain't _normal_ , Tasuki! Ain't no normal woman acting like that, knocking out three of ours like it ain't nothing."

Two seconds ago, Tasuki would have scoffed at an idea like that. Sure, he'd heard Rui-Ni's report, but he'd been sure it was a load of rubbish. Rui-Ni'd say _anything_ to make himself sound better.

"Tasuki ... " Knei-Gong lowered his voice to a whisper. "Dontcha think we should, ya know? Do as she says, all nice-like?"

"What are ya, daft?" Tasuki grumbled.

"Maybe she ain't human. Sure ain't nobody _I_ know able t'put a dent in a wall like that." Knei-Gong shook his head. "A demon, Tasuki! Ya wanna keep a _demon_ 'round here?"

"That woman ain't no demon," Tasuki scoffed, fishing two of his spell-cards out of his pocket and cautiously walking to the locked door. "Grow some brains, and some balls while yer at it!"

Quickly opening and closing the door, he threw the spell-cards into the room, keeping the door open only long enough to see that nope, Kang-Lin had apparently not used the table to make that dent, and yup, his spell-cards were working just fine. Two large wolves were sprinting at Kang-Lin, jaws snapping and eyes glowing. Kang-Lin's mouth dropped open as she saw them.

Satisfying as it might have been to watch her cower and lose that attitude of hers, Tasuki had better things to do with his time. Motioning for Knei-Gong to follow him, he strolled off in search of Rui-Ni, to have a little chat with him about maybe getting his eyes checked - seeing as how he apparently couldn't see the difference between a fat, male merchant and a willowy, female lady.

 

Five days later, there were several more dents in the wall of Kang-Lin's room. Rui-Ni had assured Tasuki that the lady was 'all his' which convinced Tasuki more than anything that Knei-Gong might have been right - not about Kang-Lin being a demon, but about Rui-Ni for once not having exaggerated.

Tasuki felt confident that she wouldn't be able to knock _him_ out though; even if his harisen was missing, he still had his spell-cards, his sword and his wits. None of his informers in the surrounding villages had reported any strangers asking around about a lady so far, which was good. Rui-Ni had been vague about her escort, but Tasuki was sure there'd have been at least two people accompanying her. Any less would have been improper for an unmarried lady of noble birth.

"You people are barbarians!" Kang-Lin complained. "I haven't properly bathed for nearly a week! And who's going to wash my clothes?"

"If ya want hot water, I can bring ya a tub," Tasuki offered, feeling like he could afford to be generous. After all, if she was going to bathe, she'd have to take her clothes off. The perfect opportunity to search through them for those jewels she had to be hiding in them!

Normally, Tasuki might worry about some of his men losing what little good sense they had at the thought of a chance to get to see a naked woman, but Kang-Lin's sharp tongue and temper had made most of them share Knei-Gong's opinion: the sooner she was gone, the better.

"Why, thank you!" Kang-Lin smiled at him, all sweetness again all of a sudden. Tasuki knew that women could have moodswings, especially when it was _that_ time of the month, but Kang-Lin's moodswings were extreme, like she turned into a completely different person from one second to the next. "That's so kind of you. Perhaps you'd like to come and scrub my back for me?"

"Wh-what? No way!" Tasuki sputtered. "Ya can scrub yer own back!"

"Hey!" Kang-Lin glared at him. "Are you saying I'm not beautiful? You should fall down on your knees and thank the gods for a chance like I'm offering you, instead of acting like ... like I've got some creepy disease, or like I'm old and wrinkled, or something like that. Don't you have any manners?"

"Well, 'scuse me fer not jumping at a chance ta see ya naked!" Tasuki felt a familiar headache coming up. This woman was just so ... annoying. If she'd been a man, he could have simply kicked her ass a few times, and maybe even laughed at some of the stuff she said about his men, but since she was some high-born lady, all he could do was suck it up and pray he'd get a good idea of how to get rid of her without losing face soon. "I happen not ta like women, that's all."

"You ... don't like women?" Kang-Lin stared at him. Tasuki resisted the urge to squirm. "Oh-ho!"

"What's _that_ s'posed ta mean?" Tasuki inquired.

"That cute guy with the headband who's always giving me these funny looks - I used to wonder what his problem was, but I guess I know now. He must be jealous, because you're spending so much time with me! I mean, I know I'm gorgeous. He's right to worry." Kang-Lin nodded.

"Not that it's any of yer business, but Knei-Gong's my pal. He thinks yer a demon." Tasuki crossed his arms over his chest.

"A demon?" Kang-Lin repeated, looking outraged. "Is he blind? Can't he see I'm far, far too pretty to be a demon? Although I guess that if I was a male-devouring demon, this would be a really good disguise. I mean, all men turn into idiots when they see someone with _my_ looks. Except for people like you."

Tasuki'd have liked to disagree with that. Instead, he decided he'd put up with more than enough Kang-Lin for today and that it was time to leave. Maybe he'd search out Knei-Gong, tell him about that ridiculous suggestion Kang-Lin had made about him and Tasuki. That ought to put Knei-Gong straight about the woman being some sort of demon - demons didn't go around cracking jokes, did they?

First things first though; he'd have to order some men to heat water and pour it into that tub they'd stolen a couple of years ago. It had never been used, so Tasuki could only hope it wouldn't turn out to be leaky. Ah well, if it did, Kang-Lin'd simply have to hurry up.

 

" ... so then she said 'oh-ho, so that's why that guy with the headband's always giving me funny looks; it's cause he's in love with ya'," Tasuki finished, fully expecting Knei-Gong to start laughing.

Instead, Knei-Gong gasped and stared at him, his expression more than a little worried.

"What? Dontcha think that's just the craziest thing ya have ever heard? Ya ask me, that woman's a little soft in the head. Probably why her family packed her off to the emperor." Tasuki snorted. No rack, no ladylike composure, way too much vanity - and then there was that tendency to get violent combined with an almost superhuman strength. For a man, it was okay to be that strong, Tasuki guessed - plenty of jobs where that kind of strength would come in handy. But for a woman?

Tasuki'd almost begin to feel sorry for her. Maybe there'd never come _anyone_ asking around for Lady Kang-Lin. Maybe everybody was just relieved that she was gone. Maybe -

Maybe Tasuki'd be stuck with her for the rest of his life. Yikes. Although - well, they might be able to use someone as strong as Kang-Lin. There was always room for an extra pair of hands around here. The only problem was that she was a she - a woman. Still, he'd already noticed she didn't have much chest. Dress her up like a man, and who'd notice? Tasuki'd know, of course, and so would the men who'd seen her, but ... if worst came to worst, it just might work. Provided he could convince her to go along with it, naturally. Being a bandit wasn't a very lady-like occupation, after all.

"Tasuki? Yer not in love with her, are ya?" Knei-Gong peered at him.

"Moron!" Tasuki whacked him. " 'Course not! And I ain't in love with ya, or any other guy either, so stop giving me those looks! Now, get outta my sight before I forget yer my best friend."

Knei-Gong left, still not looking entirely convinced, leaving Tasuki to contemplate his unwelcome guest. Who was taking a bath right now, which meant - Tasuki cursed and sprinted to her room. With all that nonsense about his having a thing for Knei-Gong (or Knei-Gong having a thing for him), he'd entirely forgotten about his plan to take a look at Kang-Lin's clothes to check them for hidden pockets.

 

Tasuki knew how to move quietly. He'd been a thief before he became a bandit, and his spell-cards weren't the only trick he'd picked up from that priest. Huan-Lang had once been a near-legend, a phantom thief who came and went without anyone seeing or hearing him, let alone being able to catch him or keep him from stealing eactly what he wanted.

By rights, sneaking into Kang-Lin's room and grabbing her clothes should have been easy-peasy. He'd especially told his men to put the tub at the other side of the room, and naturally, Knei-Gong had come running with a screen to put around the tub 'just in case'. (Tasuki hadn't known in case of _what_ , exactly, Kang-Lin would want a screen, but he had to admit it was a nice screen, and it would make it even less likely that his entrance would be noticed, so why not?)

Opening the door went easily enough. Tasuki didn't tolerate creaky doors anywhere in this place, except in his own quarters. He liked being able to sneak up on other people, but he didn't want anyone else to be able to sneak up on _him_ after all. It was only _after_ he'd opened the door that things went from bad to worse. For starters, the tub wasn't where he'd seen his men put it anymore.

The screen was standing at the other side of the room, with Kang-Lin's clothes hanging over it. Meaning that, in order to reach them, he'd have to get past the tub in the center of the room. True, Kang-Lin might be focused on her longed-for bath, but ... Tasuki bit his lip.

It'd probably be a long time before he got another chance like this. Besides, so what if she caught him? She'd probably just assume he was trying to sneak a peek - and wouldn't it be her own damn fault if he _had_ been here for that, after her joking about wanting him to scrub her back? And if he was careful, she might not spot him at all. After all, he wasn't _really_ interested in seeing her naked. He'd make it quick - a dash to the screen, and a dash back to the door.

He'd taken about two steps when something - he'd no idea _what_ \- gave him away.

"Tasuki?" Kang-Lin stood up in the tub, her hands moving quickly to cover - a part of her anatomy that most certainly wasn't her chest.

"Yer a _guy_?!" Tasuki blurted. He'd heard of women who were flat-chested, only ... not _really_ flat. Not flat in the way his own chest was flat.

"So what?" Kang-Lin glared at him defiantly, making a movement as if she - he wanted to put his hands on his hips, then thought better of it at the last minute. "I happen to be a man, yes."

"But ... but ya dress like a woman! _Lady Kang-Lin_? Does the emperor even know yer a guy? What are ya trying to pull?" Tasuki demanded. Had he been had? Had the real trophy, the real lady-who-carried-lots-of-jewels gotten away while his men had gone after this fake? That'd certainly explain why nobody seemed worried about Lady Kang-Lin; the real Kang-Lin was all safe and sound and had probably reached the capital with only a slight delay.

"The emperor should be grateful to get someone of _my_ beauty and grace for a concubine!" Kang-lin declared firmly. "I'm not trying to 'pull' anything. I simply happen to be a female soul stuck in a male body, that's all. Well, that's not really all, but I don't see any reason to share the tragic story of my life with you, so that's all the explanation you're going to get."

"You ... you ... " Tasuki's head was spinning. A female soul stuck in a male body? What kind of mumbo-jumbo was _that_? And why was she ... he looking at Tasuki like that? Like Tasuki was some tasty-looking chicken and Kang-Lin was a hungry fox?

"Tasuki? Are you all right?" Kang-Lin had climbed out of the tub and was rushing over to him for some reason. Stupid woman. What did she think he was going to do, faint? /He/ wasn't the woman around here. Although he guessed she wasn't really a woman either. Sort of. "Tasuki?"

"I'm fine! Get yer hands off me!" Okay, so his legs had just given way and he felt a little wobbly. Didn't mean she had to put her hands on him, did it? Especially not when that meant she couldn't use her hands to cover - Tasuki stared.

It took Kang-Lin a few moments to notice what, exactly, he was staring at. "Hey! Do you _mind_? Do you want me to bounce your stupid head on this floor a few times?"

"Huh. Guess ya really _are_ a guy," Tasuki said.

"Aren't you a fast one?" Kang-Lin replied tartly.

"Uhm." Tasuki wasn't entirely certain what he was supposed to do next. He supposed this _did_ neatly solve the problem of how to disguise Kang-Lin as 'one of the gang' - Tasuki'd only need to get him to dress like a man. However, it still left a load of other problems unsolved.

"You know, I just had a marvellous idea!" Kang-Lin beamed at him, and started dragging him to the screen. Tasuki struggled weakly, more for the principle of the thing than because he had any clue what the other man was up to. "Feel free to call me 'Nuriko' by the way."

"Nuriko," Tasuki repeated. Well, it beat 'Kang-Lin', he had to admit that much. "Whatcher doing?"

"Oh, nothing." Nuriko gave him an innocent smile. "Just trying to get you out of your clothes."

"Ya - what?" Tasuki discovered that somehow, somewhere, he did have the energy and strength left to make a run for the door.

Unfortunately, Nuriko was a lot faster. "You were eager enough to see _me_ naked," Nuriko huffed.

"Yeah, well, so maybe I'm shy," Tasuki snapped.

"Tough luck." Nuriko shrugged. "You should have thought of that _before_ sneaking in to interrupt a lady's bathing-time. Now it's time for pay-back. Besides, what's the problem? I'm not a woman."

"And that makes it all okay ta strip off my clothes?" Tasuki slapped at Nuriko's hands. "I don't think so."

"Fine, have it your way." Nuriko turned and stalked back to the tub. Tasuki stared after him, his mind insisting on pointing out that Nuriko's backside certainly looked at least as nice as the front. Tasuki felt his cheeks grow red. He did _not_ need to start thinking of Nuriko as attractive. The man dressed like a woman, for crying out loud! If his men ever found out about this, they'd ... well, they'd all assume that Tasuki had managed to win over the formidable Lady Kang-Lin, that was what. Not such a bad thing.

Still feeling ill at ease, Tasuki sauntered to the tub, where Nuriko was up his chest in hot water, and leaning back, eyes closed and with an expression of bliss on his face. As Tasuki cleared his throat, he opened one eye.

"Seems ta me, there's plenty of room fer two in this tub," Tasuki said.

"It would seem that way, yes," Nuriko murmured. "And I could use someone to scrub my back."


End file.
